usually on my way home, i'd just cut through the HDB flats as its a much shorter route, unless its kind of late at night. yet today, i decided to take the longer way home- the pedestrain pathway along the main roads. no particular reason why, i just feel like walking abit longer before reaching home. maybe it was the songs in my phone that i'm quite addicted to these few days. maybe it just that i dread reaching home earlier? but i guess its the initial reason. walking at slower paces, listening to favourite songs and paying more attention to my surroundings doesn't seem like a bad idea at all.
and indeed, it did allow me to observe better and think more. i saw a cab making a turn out of the parking lot. the image felt so real. not that the cab i saw was fake or what but it just felt so real, so close. its like i've never paid close attention to it before. looking up at the blocks of flats around me, along the road sides, those lighted-up apartments made me wonder "what are the people in these units doing at this moment?". looking at kids crossing the zebra-crossing struck the thought of "what's their aim in life? what do they dream of becoming?".
then it suddenly dawned on me that last night, as i was walking along the same road after work, listening to the same songs with the environment around me being exactly the same, i was feeling tired and i wasn't actually thinking of which way i'm walking. it was my subconciousness that "brought" me home. since when did this subconciousness existed?
i began to think of my 17 years so far. how was it well spent? what are the acheivements that i've acheived, till this stage of my life? what are the mistakes that i've truly regretted? when are the times that i've enjoyed myself alot? were there consequences involved? have i treated my loved ones good enough or were they taken for granted at times? was i always thinking of being treated well, and not doing onto others what they deserve as well? when were the times that i was really selfish? what are my priorities in life? did i neglect others in the process as well?
now, i give thanks for being able to grow up in this family that i'm living in now, though not perfect, but it ain't bad. entering PHS for my secondary school life wasn't my wish but for that decision made by my mum, i got to know great people in there and at least my upper sec years were not wasted because of HPT. i give thanks. being able to work in heeren, though work is slack and boring at times, my colleagues and friends made my day, always. i give thanks. studying in RP definitely isn't my first choice but it wasn't the last as well and because of RP, i'm now in canoeing, doing something that i never thought i'd be interested in and training with great team mates. i give thanks for that.
so tell me, life can be carved out by yourself but isn't it about the people around you that makes the greatest difference of all? hence, they ought to be treated well also. you know, people like melissa are the neutrals when it comes to cliquing up. but it is because of people like them that we sort of derive joy from suaning them. i swear the suanning is purely to disturb her only. haha. and most of the time, she ends up laughing as well.
awwwh. people people people.
my dad just came to me and told me not to get a cake on the day after tml. he patted my head. & i realised that it was his birthday. how could i have forgotten?
despite the reminders, i'll still get a small one for you. :D though its only the 3 of us left, with my brother still away in brunei for his ns. ):
right. there goes my reflection. (:
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school's kind of messed up today, with the network being super duper slow and cracking our brains over the science problem. it was our sec4 physics- electromagnetic induction. haha! but all seems to be returned to the teacher alrdy. had training after school. ran, pull-ups and swam. gosh. it feels great to have swimed!
training again tml.
au voirs!
