alright. had water training on tuesday. bev's neck was still hurting. so she didn't go for training though she went with us. so i had to take up k1 instead. it felt bad, really. i couldn't even balance myself when trying to go fast, i didn't even dare to pull my first stroke hard. felt disappointed with myself.
went for gym session with joanne. did mainly lats plus a little bit of tricep pull. kenneth was having fun with the tiny basketball and the stick in the gym. the guys ran their 6km but was said to be lack of 1 lap. tricep is aching now.
had water training again today. bev was there, but not down for paddling because of her neck. you know why. so i had to take k1 again. used rp boats cos it'd be too late to wait for the CGS k1 boats. rudder insensitive and i capsized 3 times. fucking pissed and disappointed with myself. felt so useless. teared alittle because i was hoping for myself to do better. i didn't even dare to pull my first stroke hard, as well. bob told me to have faith in myself and keep trying for thats how they got onto their k1. thanks for the encouragement though. but i'm still feeling disappointed with myself. guess i need more than a chill pill. if i ever teared while paddling, that did be the first one who cry while paddling man.. LOL. what made me pissed was that i wasn't even shagged out bcos i dare not go all out. even if i do try to go fast, my balance and the insensitive rudder is stopping me. okay. no point blaming it on others.
i want to get selected for pol-ites like everyone else. there are things that i want to prove for. there are things.. there are first times that i want to have as well..
BEV BEV BEV, please take good care of your neck and recover please.. i want to go back on k2 with you. i can be the one turning my head arnd and kicking, u can just look ahead and paddle. (:
sighs. so that marks the end of the 4 days of continuous training. and thanks to the guys, bev and i got selected as the new in-charge. so were benjamin and chengxun.
went for dinner at kfc. had alot of fun and talked cocks till bev, adeline, joanne and shimin couldn't continue their meals. :D:D:D thanks for cheering me up. the faith is not lost. i need time to find faith in different boats.
thats all bah.
au voirs!
