):
its not as though it has never happened before. but it didn't occur to me that this particular occurence today will have such a big impact on me. no matter what happen, it will always be my fault. its not as if i'm not old enough to gain your trust and to avoid such mistakes but somehow, i just heck care about it at times and make you worry. you're worried, yet at times, you have no idea how to express it in the right way. maybe some communication modules will help you in that. but you will never have the time for that. i have always wanted to talk to you nicely and treat you alot better than how i am doing now but somehow, there are just somethings that you have misconception for and just didn't understand. perhaps that's called age gap. but why of all people, you would rather trust those bitches at ur workplaces, rather than me? that hurted alot and it felt even more difficult to get the idea across to you for i know u're as stubborn as me. on the other hand, thinking of how hard you've worked for the family and whenever i'm hungry, you cook for me; whenever i say that i'll wash the dishes after my meal and failing to, you always do it for me; you always give me extra allowance despite it being tight for you; you always make it an effort to make milo and snacks for me in the morning when leaving for school or for training. damn it! i feel so indebted to you. and it ain't the first time that i'm tearing when blogging this down. i yearn to be more mature in my thinking and not to let you worry. i shall fulfill the promise i made to my brother.
-thanks mum!
school has been alright so far. new class's gonna be very fun. 10 more days and i'll be getting my pay. 1 more day to the usual weekends. arnd 3 more weeks to pol-ite. wonder if i'll get into the competition. shall be pulling with more effort. shall be returning home before 10. anw, i just received the navy recruitment letter. should i change my course? random? i thought so too. mmm. nvm. had water training just now. went on k2 with bev. easy paddle to 1k mark, went for 4km continuously(back to 1km mark), did 100m of hard strokes, followed by 50m easy, for 2km. then easy to 250m and back. so i guess that makes up to 7km.
i'm yearning for someone. but who? i guess i shall move on and look for better choices at the same time. no matter what, i shall find a time to ask him what he thinks. at least it gives me a answer.
gtg.
au voirs!
<3! mummy!
