Sunday, November 6
{ freed on
3:09 PM
it still doesnt affect how im feeling now, much. my dad just "talked" to me. he said he couldnt stand my attitude and behaviour at times. and he said that i need a change and a initiative at times. what he did know is that i am jealous. im jealous of the treatment my brother gets at times. i mean like, its not that my dad doesnt loves me. if he couldnt give a damn abt me, he couldnt have bothered to talk to me. its not that i dont respect him that results in my attitude and behaviour. its just that what parents do at times reflect in my attitude and behaviour towards them. sometimes, it really hurts. take this basic fact for example. what they see is that im always using the com and watching tv. but what they didnt see is that my brother has been using computer much much more than how much i did. i cant deny that my brother is much more intelligent and thinks further ahead. but why does it seems that parents tend to see the nicer things of him and the not-so-nice things about me? i am just like a kid who knows nothing to them, who doesnt knows how to protect myself. its not that i dont love my family. somehow, i feel that i am really who i am in school and with my friends. sometimes, i even felt that i belong to nowhere. it feels so helpless and i just want a shoulder which i can always rely on. i know my family are always there for me. but it felt different. and my brother's comments just sark. to him, im like a small, stupid kid who cant survive in the society. i really feel so helpless now and listening to my blog song makes me feel worst. im sorry for everything that i've done that seemed wrong in your eyes. i want to be independent in your eyes... independent.
